The worst of every situation

I may look cheery on the outside. But I see and expects the worst out of every situation.

I may look strong on the outside, but when faced with situations I cannot control, I crack.

I may look careless and free-spirited but I have hopes and dreams which are unrealistic just like everybody else.

I broke so many promises I made to myself in the last few days. I made those promises for a reason and unfortunately, I only remember those reasons after the promises are broken and consequences crept in.

And since I see the worst in every situation, I’m imagining a consequence 10x the amount that I can handle. Yesterday, I felt like crap. Today, I feel like a shitload of crap.

Gotta wake up sweetie, you knew the reality was never beautiful. Whatever that is beautiful is usually just an illusion.

Bittersweet month

OK. Forget Project #365. It ain’t happening no more since I’ve missed too many posts

This is my first post using my new MacBook. I’m still having some trouble getting used to it, but I’m good with the basic functions and stuff as of now.

So, over the last two absent weeks from blogsphere, things has been bittersweet. Some things has happened which felt like soft wind blowing on a beautiful sunny day, and some, made me feel like I was splashed with ice cold water. Naked.

I feel torn. I did not expect to be facing these situations this soon. To be forced to make a decision this soon. To be pulled out of my comfort zone this soon.

Life was good for at the end of last year. Everything was perfect. How fast things changed in a matter of weeks

Losing touch

Haven’t posted my Project #365 photos much since the laptop is wrecked. I’ve got all the photos on my cam, but I’m just too lazy to upload them cos

1. I’m using office’s laptop, so I don’t think it’s appropriate to do personal things

2. It’s just not as convenient to transfer photos to this laptop than to my own laptop

But my new laptop is coming soon, hopefully sometime this week if I can find the time. After much consideration, I’ve decided to get myself a MacBook

For the first time, in a long time, I’m feeling a little lost. I think I no longer want what I’ve always thought I wanted. Which is weird, cause that’s what I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember. What changed in the past few weeks?!

But what I seem to want now seems daunting as well. It’s not something I’m confident that I can do, and I’ve always been confident with my abilities, so not being sure that I can do what I want to do is scaring the daylights out of me. The only things that have scared the daylights out of me, are things that do not belong in the daylights.

I’ve changed my life’s path a few times. The first time was when I decided to study law rather than programming as I had planned for a few years. I changed my mind in a matter of days and I think I gave dad a little scare because of it.

The second time was when I decided not to pursue a career in law after my degree. I have a lot of interest in the corporate world after watching ’The Apprentice’. I just fell in love with it. 

Now the third was when I decided to do PR. From having little understanding to what PR really means to loving the whole challenge and demand of the industry, I did not regret my decision at all. Or any of my decisions for that matter.

So when I suddenly have a new plan/idea regarding my future, why should I be so worried right? Being spontaneous is a good thing… Right?

Sometimes I wish I am less ambitious. That I can be satisfied and whole-heartedly happy with what I have. But I rarely am. Which created a whole host of problems with my well-being. For the past few weeks I’ve had sleepless nights drifting in and out of weird dreams and waking up reaching for my phone only to find that not many hours have past since I last checked.

Being unsatisfied, I believe, is the worst feeling in the world.

Project 365 – #11

OK, maybe it’s not fair to post photos after the day itself but I don’t care la. I’ve been busy with work :p

As some might know (OK maybe most would know since I announced it to anyone who would listen), my laptop of 4 years died.

I’ve been using the laptop for work related stuff and desperately needed all my files back so I went crying to the nearest tech guy I know, Alex.

And Alex and Daryl decided to make my life hell by telling me they can only retrieve online data ie: my saved chats but all my doct files are gone. I was screaming like a mad woman in the office ” I don’t want my chats! I want my DOCS!”

Daryl cracked cause he thought I was gonna cry. So then I was told than my files are recoverable fuuuh

The next day, I found this on my table

#11 - Converted external harddisk

So I texted Alex ‘ What the hell is that thing on my table?’ :p Sorry tech illiterate means turn out like this la.

When I finally found out it’s my poor harddisk, and that now it has been converted into an external harddisk (pink no less!) I was overjoyed!

So now I have a pink external harddisk at the expense of my laptop. Sigh.

Projec 365 – #10

Today Niang Niang (Li Fang) is in KL. As evidence that she IS niang niang, she called me at 9am. On a SUNDAY. And what did she want so early on a Sunday morning? “You’re home right? I come over to lepak in you room?” Luckily I slept really early the night before or I would’ve cursed her til there’s no tomorrow. And she also brought a laptop and told me I could go back to sleep. Hehe. Damn considerate. (considering the situation)

So the old Bukit Jalil housemates met up at Gardens for dinner (after discussing for half an hour we ended up where we always end up) at this Taiwanese restaurant in Gardens. I forgot its name, yet again. SinceI heard about the choc fair in MidValley we checked it out, and got pretty disappointed. They don’t even offer you chocolates to try. Then how to buy?! Ceh!

Since the wedding expo is just next to it, we dropped by there too and I found a nice photo op

#10 - Bukit Jalil gang

And we also made jokes bout Niang Niang getting married, of course. She took a whole stack of brochures with her although she said “No la, not yet.” :p

I actually quite like all these wedding hoohahs. What I don’t like is the idea of marriage. But I LOVE the idea of wedding photos, and church weddings, and wedding dinners where everyone is just oh-so-happy and the bride looks oh-so-beautiful.

How to get married without getting married ya? -.-

Project 365 – #9

I have not met up with Li May for quite some time as we are both now in different states. Even if she comes to KL, she is usually busy with her boyfriend and her work-related stuff so we rarely had time to meet.

Finally we both had some time to meet up for lunch and we ended up at Theobroma Chocolate Lounge at Bangsar Village II cause I wanted a chocolate drink.

#9 - Lunch with Li May

 Catching up was fun. You really miss a lot of information by not seeing each other in a few months.

Project 365 – #8

I have received my first (and probably only :p) Valentine’s Day gift more than a month ahead of time!

#8 - early Valentine's Day gift

 I got this from Theobroma itsef cause I organised food tasting & reviews for media for them. (work related things la) And Gail, the A&P Manager gave this to me at the end saying, “Happy early Valentine’s Day!”

Wheee so happy Ate so much during food tasting, and I have chocs to bring home too heh heh heh

Project 365 – #7

Had to post late as my laptop has decided to leave me and be in a better place

Last Thursday, I received a call from @joshlim asking me about my laptop (cos I tweeted that it died on me) and then asking me if I’d like to go see NeYo. I did not have anything planned for that night anyways so I figured why not? I like NeYo, I’m not crazy about him like Rhe is but I do like his songs a lot.

A bunch of people from twitterverse were there as well but I’ve only managed to catch @mynjays and @andygts. We sort of ‘upgraded’ ourselves to RM260 tix cos the tickets control were terrible.

I did not manage to take good photos at all cos 1. my digital camera sucks and 2. my phone camera sucks. So for Project 365, this is a sucky post #7 :p. This is just to show that I was there at the concert

#7 - NeYo!!!

Project 365 – #6

The air conditioner right above me has stopped working since last week. Apparently it can no longer be fixed, and we might need to get a new one. For the time being, we have this small little pathetic fan blowing at our faces (and drying out my contact lenses)

It is so warm in the office that I have to do this:

#6 too hot

Now I’m walking around the office in a spaghetti strap top.

My Fortune Teller Told Me

OK it’s not MY fortune teller, it’s Mom’s. She goes religiously every year to get a reading of our fortune at the beginning of each year. And guess what, she has now in her knowledge our fortunes for 2010.

Our first encounter with this fortune teller I will from now on call Mr O, was when I was 17 turning 18. I had just finished my SPM.

Mr O’s reading of me is quite accurate I must say. But then again, I’m pretty sure it does not take a genius to figure out

1. I do not treat my brother very well (we were there together, anyone should be able to pick that up)

2. I’m smart (better say smart than stupid right? if it’s only average and he says smart, 99% of the people will still believe that he’s right anyways)

3. I will lose my virginity before I get married (applause)

He also mentioned:

4. If a guy gives me flowers, I will fall in love with him (what if a clown gave me flowers? clowns always give me balloon flowers)

5. I must not get married before I’m 30 or the marriage will end in divorce. And then Mr O said to me in a nasty tone, “Don’t worry, you will get married one day wan. Someone will want you. Don’t have to rush to get married” -.-” FU

Now this year, according to Mr O I will meet my ‘fate’. Mom seems happy about it. I’m not. Why? Because:

1. He’s younger than me

2. He’s rich so I won’t have to work hard

Before I meet this ‘fate’ of mine I already don’t like him. He failed my two pre-requisites – to be much older and to be independent.

But that does not matter, because I don’t believe this ‘fate’ exists anyways. A tarot card reader told me I will meet my ‘fate’ last October. Batang hidung pun tak nampak.

What matters is that Mom sounds happy. And Mom once mentioned that Dad started talking bout grandchildren. Unfortunately for them, their eldest is gonna disappoint

Even if the eldest finally dates again, I doubt the boyfie will be someone they approve. Cause they won’t like my taste in men :p (or women for that matter. Heh. Joking!)

Why am I complaining bout the fortune teller at 2am in the morning?

Cause I can’t sleep. And maybe… *shrug*